All posts for the month April, 2013

The Ground Beneath My Feet.

Published 6 April, 2013 by ladyem83

Let’s see, am I walking on a solid footing, marshland, or quicksand?

It seems to change almost on a daily basis and I don’t like it.

Not too long ago the ground I walked on was solid but, of course, there were those external factors that knocked me off my balance once in a while, which is perfectly normal.

It’s different now, however, as I’m not sure whether the next step I take will lead me into a suffocating pit, or whether  it will support my weight and carry me a little further forward.

But, this path isn’t being paved for me.  I wish it were.  I wish I could attribute the good times and the bad times to fate, I wish I could hand over that responsibility to something or somebody else.

I don’t believe in that though.  Yes, I believe things happen for a reason, but I don’t believe that I am a mere puppet in my life’s play and that someone else is pulling my strings.  I am accountable for my decisions.  I have to decide whether I throw down a solid paving slab on which to step, or whether I step off the edge into the bog and then have to drag myself back up and out again.

The frustrating thing for me at present is that I want to throw down those paving slabs but I seem to be struggling to do so consistently.  It’s a question of confidence in the belief that I deserve to walk proudly on solid ground rather than disappearing quietly into the murky depths.

I have to find a way to gather that confidence and throw down a paving slab each day, because I can’t carry on in this haphazard way.


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