Let’s see, am I walking on a solid footing, marshland, or quicksand?
It seems to change almost on a daily basis and I don’t like it.
Not too long ago the ground I walked on was solid but, of course, there were those external factors that knocked me off my balance once in a while, which is perfectly normal.
It’s different now, however, as I’m not sure whether the next step I take will lead me into a suffocating pit, or whether it will support my weight and carry me a little further forward.
But, this path isn’t being paved for me. I wish it were. I wish I could attribute the good times and the bad times to fate, I wish I could hand over that responsibility to something or somebody else.
I don’t believe in that though. Yes, I believe things happen for a reason, but I don’t believe that I am a mere puppet in my life’s play and that someone else is pulling my strings. I am accountable for my decisions. I have to decide whether I throw down a solid paving slab on which to step, or whether I step off the edge into the bog and then have to drag myself back up and out again.
The frustrating thing for me at present is that I want to throw down those paving slabs but I seem to be struggling to do so consistently. It’s a question of confidence in the belief that I deserve to walk proudly on solid ground rather than disappearing quietly into the murky depths.
I have to find a way to gather that confidence and throw down a paving slab each day, because I can’t carry on in this haphazard way.